Yeah.
- Incoming. - Here you go.
- Iqbal, order up! - Hey!
Hey, did Humera get that promotion yet?
The boss is gonna think about it. It's looking good.
Nice.
Lon. Lon. Lon!
Jimmy Buffett. Who?
Sleeping, buddy?
No, adjustmenting.
Crikey, is it time to close this bitch or what?
We got about another hour.
Lon, you ever thought about getting the laser eye surgery?
They say only about one in 1,500 people don't see results.
That's a risk I'm not willing to take.
See you.
- Mom, can I get this? - No, honey, it's too expensive.
Please. But I really want this.
Actually that's 40% off. Open box policy.
- Today's your lucky day, buddy. - Wow, tell him thank you.
Thank you.
- Hi, Zack. - Hey. What's up, Semi?
My mom made you some blueberry muffins.
Oh, what a sweetheart.
That is where you get your charm from, isn't it, Semi?
I guess so.
Damn it!
Not this month, Zack. Not this month.
Who's Anal?
It's anal, dumb-ass.
Anal? You do?
Since when are you in the business of asking me questions?
This is cashier number one.
Tell Zack he's messed with the bull one too many times.
The bull's in the china shop.
I am the bull, he is the china shop.
My uncle had a bull. Big cojones.
Jorge's uncle had a...
Do not speak to me when I am on-line.
Hey, man. Looks like you're in trouble, guy.
Let's just focus here, okay, Russell? Let's look what we got here.
My dented deviled ham
for your crushed bread and broken peanut-butter-and-jelly jars.
Wait a minute. PB and J, that's like gold, man.
Deviled ham is almost a spiritual meal.
Okay, fine. You're on.
- Well, let's go then. - Let's go.
- One, two, three! - One, two, three!
- Paper covers rock! All me! - Damn.
Cameron, bag up my stuff for me. I'll take that.
- Now, that's not part of the deal, guy. - Heads up.
It smells like ass.
He's so...
- Have you seen Zack? - No?
Well, I bet if he were covered in chocolate and had a nougat inside,
you'd know exactly where he were at.
- That your pen? - I don't know.
- Well, where did you get it? - I don't know.
- Who gave it to you? - I don't know.
Is your name Semi because you're the size of a huge Mack truck,
or because you're semi-retarded?
- I don't know. - Idiot.
Attention Super Club shoppers. We're closing in five minutes.
So if you could please finish in five minutes, that would be great.
- There you are. - You're in deep, homes.
- He does not do anal. - That's too bad for you, Jorge.
Do you know what this is?
Yes. That is a 10-times-larger-than-life replica of your penis.
Oh, that's hilarious.
I realize that you don't care about your job, but I do.
And I want to thank you for caring about my job, really.
My job, jerk-off.
You know, it's funny. For the past 10 years,
I've been climbing the Super Club food chain, as planned.
But you, you haven't moved at all.
I'm almost at the top.
It goes manager, section manager, head cashier, cashier, stocker,
clean-up crew, night clean-up guy, and lastly, box boy.
- That's what you are. - That's me.
Yeah. That's why you can't come into the cashiers' lounge.
You know, after all this time,
you'd think you'd understand that you're the lowest of the low.
Yeah, the lowest of the low.
Aren't you a box boy, too, Jorge?
Oh yeah, but he's my box boy.
Yeah, I'm his box boy.
Your love for him concerns and confuses me.
You listen to me, jerk-off, and you listen well.
- Chill, boss, it's Glen. - Mr. Gary.
- Hey, what do you say, boss-man?
Good evening, gentlemen. Meeting in 60 seconds,
and I've got big news.
Thanks for being prompt.
Well, we got the call from Corporate, and it's official.
Today Vince broke the check-stand speed record
and has been officially recognized as the fastest in the southwest region.
Needless to say, you've earned this one, Vince.
Dirk, go ahead. Put the star up.
Congratulations to Vince,
employee of the month for 17 months in a row.
- Yeah. Yeah. - He always wins.
As most of you know, if Vince gets to number 18,
he'll go into the hall of fame,
he'll be put on the fast track for management,
and he'll win a brand-newish 2005 Chevy Malibu!
- Yeah! - All right!
I realize that Vince has won the last 17 in a row, but hey,
it's anybody's ball game.
And I like to encourage everyone to compete.
A little extra effort could earn you a star. It really could.
So grab a broom, help a lost customer, pick up a spill.
Don't be afraid to go above and beyond.
I welcome all challengers.
"I welcome all challengers."
I am so proud of you.
Well, nobody has ever been to the magic 18 before, so this is a really big deal, people.
The store will close early on the 30th for a special banquet award show.
Yeah.
Now, it'll be semi-formal and mandatory,
which means church clothes, please, everyone.
- Mandatory? - It'll be fun to dress up.
Corporate will be there and we need everybody to be at your very best behavior.
- Sorry, sir. - Why'd you do that?
Lastly, we'll have a new cashier joining the team tomorrow.
- Her name is... - Amy Renfroe.
Amy...
So please make her feel welcome.
Yeah, let's give her a warm Super Club welcome.
- Super Club! - Super Club!
- Yeah, Super Club. - Super Club.
Thank you, Vince.
All right, everybody, be safe out there.
Now, don't forget to sign-up for the softball game against Maxi-Mart,
'cause we need players.
How could you do that?
Hey, guy, we're headed over to the Steaksmith for a drink. You in?
No. I'm having dinner with the old lady tonight.
Need a lift?
No.
- Where's that beautiful lady of mine? - Right in here. I'm on my last Scratcher.
Grandma, I think it's time that you invest
in something a little less speculative.
You really think I should take financial advice from you?
One-nothing, Grandma.
What have we got here? Okay, pay attention.
Where's it going? What's that?
Oh, Lean Pockets. Somebody takes care of themselves.
Oh, well, now, I refuse to believe that's not your natural hair color.
Oh, stop it!
Oh, that's a lot of lotion.
Somebody's gonna pamper themselves tonight.
Maybe I will.
Your total is $69.60... Just kidding, $24.08.
Oh, gosh, did you get these here at Super Club?
Oh, they smell wonderful. They really do.
Look at them. Like moths around a dim yellow bulb.
Yeah, he's like Cirque du Soleil over there.
Oh, the Zumanity.
Anyone can do that. Anyone could do that.
Okay, and you've been employee of the month how many times?
He's got a point.
Wait a second here.
You have no idea how much planning and energy it takes
to keep such a low profile, okay? It's practically an art, what I do.
- Zack, boxes needed at checkout four. - I'm on it.
- Hey, guys. - Hey, what's up, Semi?
Do me a favor. Can you bring some boxes over to checkout four?
Okay.
- Yeah. - It's quite an art.
Now, that's art.
She is totally untouchable.
No, she's hot, but every girl's got a vulnerable place.
Yeah, it's called the dingly.
I'll see you guys later.
Hey, Zack, don't forget Sasha... Tasha... Mikhal has soccer practice at 11:00.
- You're covering for me. - Got it.
Excuse me, do you have a membership card?
Sir, I work here.
- Really? - What's going on, Joe?
This lady doesn't have a membership card.
- Oh, I'll take it from here, bro. - Yeah, go to it, Zack.
Listen, I'm gonna let you pass this time,
but next time you might want to use the "my dog ate it" excuse.
Maybe wear an eye patch or something.
Because nobody's gonna believe you work here.
No seriously, it's supposed to be my first day. I just transferred from 232.
- You're the new cashier? - I'm Amy.
Hey.
- I'm sorry. I didn't... - It's okay.
Nobody would believe... 'Cause you don't look like you would...
I'm Zack.
I tried to tell him, but he wouldn't listen.
Yeah, he gets a little stubborn sometimes.
You give a guy a badge and suddenly gets
- this false sense of power. - ...a false sense of power.
- Jinx, you owe me a Coke. - Jinx, you owe me a Coke.
- No way. - No way.
Hi, there.
Check stand number one. Head cashier, Vince Downey.
Vince Downey? I've heard of you.
You have the fastest hands in the southwest.
8.9 pass-through rate, huh?
Oh, boy. Well, I guess my reputation has preceded me once again.
It's actually 9.1,
now that I set the southwest regional speed ring competition record.
- That's amazing. I'm Amy Renfroe. - Oh, wow. Renfroe.
Is that Nordic?
I don't think so.
Well I was just judging from your Romanesque stature.
I assumed you were from Nordica.
Nordica, that's just north of Timberland, right, Vince?
Oh, he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke.
I see you met Zack. He's one of our box boys.
Yeah, he's in charge of the boxes.
- Box boy? - Well, more of a Zack of all trades.
Zack, we still need some boxes at check stand 10.
Minute.
So many boxes, so little time.
You know I just started my break. I'd love to show you the store, if you'd like.
- Oh, my God. That'd be great. - Yeah, let's start off in the cashiers' lounge.
- Okay. Nice to meet you, Zack. - Nice to meet you too, Amy.
Wow. That's got to hurt.
Man, he is always doing that to you. Stealing your thunder.
Remember the redhead in Gardening? Bonked her behind the monkey grass.
And the Asian in Automotive. Did her on a pile of carburetors.
Oh, and the blond in Frozen Foods with the "Turkey's done!"
- You remember her? - Yeah. But it ain't over yet.
Okay.
Russell, I need all the 411 on Amy Renfroe. She's the new cashier.
- And I need that stat. - Yeah.
- On it. - Good.
Lilly, Daddy's coming home.
Pleasure doing business with you.
Come on, guys, let's respect the sanctity of the clubhouse.
- How's that B-52 coming along? - Oh, cherry.
Hey, guy, I got the 411 on your little Aphrodite.
All right.
I made some calls. Got a buddy on the inside.
Cost me a dented cheese pallet, but I got the scoop.
All right, come on, come on.
Apparently she requested the transfer due to some romantic issues.
Okay, what kind of issues?
Well, I think she has a thing for the employee of the month.
No way.
Yeah, that picture goes up on the wall,
she slides into the sack like a singed koala looking for an all-night burn center.
- No shit. - Yeah.
You know what? I don't believe it.
I know this. We had a moment.
Well apparently your girl's having another moment.
- Let's go. Let's go. - Oh, boy.
The bad news, you got carpel tunnel.
Check it out, guy. He's the alpha male of the store.
Chicks always go after the alpha male. They're like lions, kings of the desert.
And you, you're just a little, tiny field mouse
dangling in the teeth of the lion, while he's banging your chick.
No, wait a minute, box boy.
You're like the little hairy nutsack on the little hairy field mouse,
swinging back and forth while he's banging your chick, going back...
Russell.
Yeah?
Your metaphors are magical, but shut the hell up, please.
Roger.
Just going back and forth, hairy Kalahari-style, in and out with his big...
- Pete! - Discovery Channel...
Well, fine. I'll win employee of the month.
What? Come on. Seriously, how hard could it be?
Oh, you're kidding, right? You know, you can't ever be late, ever, at all.
- Easy. - And you can't get any complaints, guy.
Fine.
- Yeah, but you also have to... - Go above and beyond...
- ...with your job description. Go beyond... - ...and use your job description.
- ...the duties of your job. - Way above.
I'm serious, you guys. I'm gonna win employee of the month.
Having fun? I hope you wore protection.
You know, maybe you should listen to your loser buddies, okay?
- You ain't got a shot. - Okay, who's calling me a loser?
Easy there, Hubble Telescope. No need to get physical.
No, I'm serious. I can't see who's calling me a loser.
Well, I'll give you a hint. He waxes his forearms,
and he lost his virginity in the Boy Scouts.
- Uncle Donny? - Perhaps you've forgotten,
I have the fastest check stand in the southwest region.
Southwest, man.
I'm gonna obliterate the employee-of-the-month record.
- Obliterate it, boss. - You're a dink.
You will not stand in my way.
- Bring it. - I'll bring it, 'cause game is on.
And someone's going to get hurt. But the someone is not gonna be me.
That means you, man.
I am the boss and I get the last word. Damn it.
- All right, boss. I'm sorry. - Jorge, shut up.
- Sorry. - Jorge!
- Okay. - God damn it!
He's going down. I'm gonna win.
Hey, Grandma. Gram, come here, check this out.
- Remember this guy? - Yeah. Didn't he have his own place?
I love you too, Grandma.
Yeah. Yeah.
What?
Hey!
Wow.
I was just warming it up for you, boss.
You wanna see what gets me warm, Jorge?
It's sweet. Is it leather?
Oh, no. It's pleather. Way better.
It won't fade or crack with age.
Hey, come on, stay off the glass.
So what are you gonna do with your set of wheels?
Sell, most likely.
- How much? - I don't know.
It's probably going to be a multi-bid situation. Are you interested?
Of course. It means the world to me.
I'm gonna think.
No way.
Hey, good morning.
Good morning, Super Club people.
Zack Bradley just punching in on the bright.
Extra effort. Doing it the Super Club way by getting here nice and early.
And I'm punching my very own on-time indicator.
Holy crap. You're really serious about this?
I told you I could do this. I can do this.
Here you go, Sam. Boxes, Mike. All you. Here you go, Nick.
- Hey, what's up, Amy? - Hi.
Do you need any more boxes?
No, thank you.
Okay. Well, listen, if there's anything else you need, I'm gonna be here...
Five minutes or I'm buying!
Oh, please.
Like I said, five minutes or I'm buying.
And ten, nine, eight, seven,
six, five, four,
three two, one!
Come on!
See, you can't beat a guy like that.
Yes, I can.
$230.45.
He'll take care of that. I got to take my union-mandated break,
so, next show in 15 minutes.
Bye, Vince.
- You ready to do this? - Yeah.
Eagle Eye, this is Brown Trouser. We are go. How?
Eagle... This is Brown... Brown Eye. It's a go.
Clean-up on aisle 313.
You've gotta be kidding me!
- Not today! - Oh, yeah. It's today, Vince!
- No way, Zack! - I got it!
I almost had him.
Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Here you go, Zack. If you pass out, you call 911.
Got it.
Let me guess. Vince?
You know I can't say. You know the rules.
Look away.
Pretty.
Yeah.
Looks like it's gonna be harder than you thought.
Not to worry. I've got 29 more days to leave a mark.
Looks like you already have.
Hey, don't forget. Party at my house tonight.
Ain't no party like an Iqbal party.
Word.
Amy!
- Amy, hey. - Hi.
- How you doing? - Good.
Listen, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go to this party tonight.
I know you don't know a lot of people. There's gonna be a lot of people there.
It might be kind of cool if you want to go with me.
Oh, I actually have dinner plans with Vince.
Oh, well, that's cool. That will be good. It'll be fun.
I gotta go to this thing. Going to be a lot of friends and stuff like that.
I don't have to go, but... I mean, I do, but...
- I guess I'll just... I'll see you later. - All right.
- And where's he taking you? - Steaksmith?
- Classy. - Yeah.
All right, my break's over, so I'm gonna get some more water.
- Gotcha. - It's free in there.
- Do you want some? - Water?
No. I don't want any water. I'm good.
- Okay. All right. - All right. All right.
- Bye. - I'll see you later.
Enjoy your water.
Oh, hey, boxy lady. Are you looking for your lounge?
I think it's over there.
Yeah, over there.
Over there.
Amy!
- Excuse me. - How can I help you?
I dropped my glasses off this morning. Are they ready?
- No. - Isn't this "Glasses in an Hour"?
No. This is "Glasses in About an Hour".
- So when can I pick them up? - In about an hour.
Are you staring at my breasts?
I don't know.
Freak.
Hey, Vince.
Vince! Hey, what's up, man?
There is a massive rumor going around that you have a hot date tonight.
As a matter of fact, I do. With Amy.
Nice, man! Yeah.
- Whoa. What is this? - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You hitting the gym?
Yeah, I'm hitting the gym. I like to do some core work.
- Doing some squats? - Yeah, I do. I squat it out.
Wow, it is working. What is that, pecs? Doing some of that?
Yeah.
Okay! Just lay off, buddy.
- All right. - Okay?
Listen, I'm going to tell you something. You probably already know,
but first dates are so important, you know? It's really crucial
that you make an amazing first impression. I know you know that.
Are we through here?
That's it, man, just have a good time tonight.
You are working out.
Jesus Christ. Where the hell are we, Chuck E. Cheese-istan?
How many kids you got there, eight balls?
- Just 22. - So, whose birthday is it anyhow?
Whoever blows the candles out first, they get the presents.
Hey, Zack, that employee of the month thing isn't really working out for you, is it?
What the fuck?
Come on. Come on, you guys.
I think it's great. There's honor in a good day's work.
There is no honor working in that black hole.
Think about it, guys.
We could be working over there at Maxi-Mart, and that place really sucks.
Pass me the chips there, eight balls.
Plus, I hear they make you wear those house-arrest ankle-bracelet things,
the dog collars, on your ankles.
So they know where you are all the time,
and if you leave the main floor you get a little shocker.
True.
I knew a guy in upper management, man, went crazy.
Strapped one of those things around his hairy ball sack,
ran out into the parking lot and blew a $3 Hawaiian wonder cooler all over the place.
Ids-kay. Ids-kay.
Knocked a little Korean kid right out of his shopping basket.
Oh, speaking of $3 Honolulu wonder coolers,
isn't Vince going out with Amy tonight?
Yes, yes, he is. But that could prove problematic,
since I have his wallet.
You want to get some pizzas and some hookers?
I mean, why climb Everest when you can set a land speed record?
- That's my goal. - Here you go.
Zack.
I must have forgotten my wallet in my other car.
Oh, well, for the fastest checker in the southwest, it's on the house.
Wow. Thanks, Sandy, that's really nice of you.
Are you kidding me? A freebie is the least I can do.
You know what, how about I go get you a dessert menu?
Oh, that'd be great, huh? Dessert.
She's one of my regulars on check stand one.
Wow, your customers seem to really like you.
You know, I care. Maybe that's my downfall,
but I think it's important.
Wow. Those are amazing. So big and inviting.
Supple. Are they veneers? Is it a porcelain?
- These? - Yeah.
Oh, they're mine.
It's like you have ivory smuggled in or something.
It's intoxicating. I'm intoxicated by it.
Wow.
Well, that was a good evening, huh?
Yeah, it was great.
It's nice and early still.
You're not going to go to bed now, are you?
Yeah, I think so.
Alone?
Okay. Okay. You sure?
Going once. Going twice.
Going three times. Okay, here we go.
- All right, good night. Good night. - Okay, all right, okay.
Yes. See you at work, kitten.
- Hey, Vince. - Zack.
Oh, I found your wallet in front of the herpes medication.
Wanted to get that back to you.
Yeah, I was probably shopping for your Christmas present there.
I don't know if you want the stuff that was in it, but...
Very funny.
Oh, hey, Zack.
My date last night with Amy, it was spectacular.
I mean, she is a good kisser.
Hey, good luck getting one of those gold stars.
You got a little schmaltz or something right...
- I don't buy it. - Well, I wouldn't lie to you, it's a lot.
I don't fall for jokes.
Okay. Just right there. Just one... Okay.
I didn't fall for that.
- Wow, I really love this song. - Oh, it's the best.
- Ten grand, huh? - Oh, yeah, it's a steal.
This is the car that started it all. And I got low miles. It's only got 33,000.
But you told me you flipped it, twice.
Exactly. 233,000. All highway.
That's nothing for an '81. She runs like a top. Totally mint.
Mint?
I'll tell you what. If you can find this particular model
with these low miles for less money, buy it.
Don't think about it, buy it.
- Can I take it for a spin? - No.
- Well, can you give me a ride home later? - No.
- Can you give me a ride to the bus stop? - Absolutely not.
Well, can I stay here with you and listen to the rest of the song?
Absolutely.
Hey, Zack. Oh, Sustan's got soccer practice at 11:00. Can you cover for me?
- You got it. - You're a pal.
- Hey, fellas. - Hey.
Can you be on the lookout for a little boy in a red shirt? He's really lost.
- Vince know about this yet? - No.
Okay, could you keep this on the QT for, like, two minutes?
I guess so.
That's probably him.
I'll check it out.
Come on! Yeah!
- No unauthorized use of the equipment! - You want a piece of me?
- Get away from the machine! - You'll never take me alive!
- Relinquish your weapon! - Bring it, bitches!
Suckers!
Oh, that's nice.
Oh, no! You were hit by a ricochet.
I brought it, bitch.
All right!
Sorry, Zack.
- Oh, thank you. Let's go. - Mom!
Hey, Zack, I brought you the small pack.
Hey there, Mr. Gold Star.
- How are you, bright smile? - Good.
I guess I'm gonna to have to crank this up a notch.
- Hey. - Hey.
I know. I know. I missed drinks last night.
I'm not here for that.
I came outside to pass gas.
Man, this employee-of-the-month thing is a lot harder than I thought.
Maybe you should just do it for yourself,
for your pride, and the rest will come, including the girl.
The universe always has a plan, Zack.
Told you.
Damn! The thing's heavier than it looks.
- Hi, do you need some help with that? - Yes, thank you.
- It's for my husband. - Oh, I'm sorry to hear about that.
Oh, he's not dead. Not yet.
It's just too good a deal to pass up.
Well, do you need some help getting it to your car?
No, thank you. The lazy prick's waiting for me.
I'm gonna make him load it.
Well, good luck murdering your husband.
If you need my help, holler.
- Excuse me. - Yes?
That young man is wonderful.
I'll be back for sure, just because of him.
- Oh, that man there? No surprise. - No.
This is the guy. He's a wonderful fella.
Well, thank you.
May I help you find your way to your car?
I know where it is, idiot.
Hey, Vince. What, they kick you out of the cashiers' lounge?
No, just here to watch as I get ever closer to victory.
Five more days and I seal the deal. Once I get to 16, it's over.
Your math skills are astonishing, Vince.
All right, here he is. The man of the hour.
Soon that Malibu will be mine.
Hey, what... Give me this.
Okay, you've made a big mistake.
No mistake. Zack has shown a real improvement over the last week.
- Come here. - Oh, yeah.
You're welcome.
Oh, no. Vince, not now.
- Hey, you gotta listen to me. - Vince, I can't talk to you right now.
Yes!
I'm on the board, come on!
- You the man. - Yeah.
Wow, Zack, you got a star. Fantastic.
Oh, that's nothing really.
Nothing? What do you mean, "nothing"? We should be out celebrating.
- Want to grab a drink after this? - Yeah, sure.
Really? Great.
I'm late shift, so why don't you pick me up around 9:00?
- Perfect. - Okay.
- All right. - Bye.
Yeah, later.
- Holy shit. - What'd I tell you?
The female lioness gets a whiff of that gold star,
and just like that, she's crawling into your den of desire.
- You think? Really? - I got a gold star once.
- No. No I didn't. - Nice.
Pretty impressive how you snuck one in on me.
But don't get used to it. It was a fluke.
No box boy's ever won employee of the month.
You got to be the QB to win the MVP, baby. Can't be the punter.
Yup.
Iqbal, hey. Just double-checking. We still on for tonight?
Yeah, sure, of course. I got you covered.
Thanks, man. You're a good friend.
Zacky, what do you want for din-din?
I can't. I have a late dinner.
With whom? A girl?
New girl at work. Cashier. Her name's Amy. She's very pretty.
Why, you look very handsome.
- Amy's a very lucky girl. - Thanks, Grams.
Maybe you should plant the seed tonight.
- What? - Plant the seed of love.
You know, when you get ready to kiss her, don't.
Because you mustn't rush things.
Take it easy, because then the seed of love will blossom into something beautiful.
Thanks, Grams.
- And don't forget... - Yes?
To wash your balls.
You're the best.
- Buenas noches. - Hey.
How about me, you and a bottle of wine?
I got a sweet deal on some tampered cabernet.
I actually have dinner plans with Zack tonight.
- Zack? The box boy, Zack? - Yes.
Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.
That's awesome. Where's he taking you?
I don't know.
- I'll see you around. - Yeah. Awesome.
It's like... Smell so good, now, and I want to...
I wanna kiss you all over
Now, that is some of the best chicken parmesan I've ever had.
Not a lot of people know about this place. It's kind of a hidden gem.
I won't tell.
Amy, could I offer you another box of Merlot?
- No, thanks. Yeah. - Okay.
So what's on this evening's agenda?
Okay, this evening's agenda, I'd thought that we would catch a flick,
and before that, maybe take a few laps around the race track, play nine holes.
Sounds ambitious.
But we should probably get going if we're gonna catch the movie.
I don't think we're in any shape to be driving.
Don't worry about that, Amy. I've got it all taken care of.
Did you have restricted airflow when you were in the birthing canal?
Focus. If they're not at the Steaksmith, where do you think he took her? Think.
I don't know, bro. Her car is still here.
And I don't think he even has a license.
I'm clearly the driver.
You were supposed to provide intel. You have not done that.
Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses
that were rated the most passionate, the most pure.
This one left them all behind.
The end.
This is what we gotta do, okay?
You see the lamp post in the middle of the parking lot? Number seven?
You got to hit the ball, it's gonna bank off that post.
And if you do that, you win a free game.
All the way in the middle of the parking lot?
- I'm gonna show you. No more questions. - No way.
No more questions, just examples. Watch this.
- No way. - Yes way.
- Holy shit! - That's it! Yes!
Oh, my God, that's amazing! You spend too much time up here.
I've paid my dues, but it's your turn, go ahead.
All right, free game. Hit it off.
My head! My head!
Where did that come from? Shut up!
We're under attack.
This is an '81 Honda! How dare you!
You know, most guys I meet try really hard to impress me.
But there's something different about you.
It's my tongue.
- Oh my! - I know.
No, what I was trying to say is that
with you, it's just effortless. Easy.
What about you? Drop-dead gorgeous, totally cool. How does that happen?
I'm serious.
Most girls that are 9's or 10's, you know, can't even open a door for themself.
They have everything handed to them.
Not you. You're different.
And you seem to treat everybody the same. It's really nice.
- Check this out. - Okay.
Holy shit!
- You have huge ears. - I know, right?
You have huge ears, Amy!
Gosh, I heard it all through grade school.
Dumbo. Baby New Year. Big ears.
Wow.
Good thing I don't have a complex about it or anything.
I'm sorry. It must have been tough. It must have been tough.
I did go through a lot.
So should I... I should, like, whisper when I talk to you? I don't wanna...
Shut up! They're not bionic.
No, really, I probably hear even less because of all this hair.
Well, I like everything about you.
Come on, we have a few more stops on the agenda.
- Okay. - All right, after you.
Oh, you should work for the government in a think tank.
You call yourself my protege.
- I guess I had you pegged all wrong. - Really?
All right, well, what was your first impression of me?
That you were just that guy that has been skating by for the past 10 years.
Probably still lives with his mom.
Ouch, me? No. No, no, no, no. I do not live with my mom.
All right then, let me ask you.
Why are you still a box boy?
There is an answer to that. But...
But what?
No, it's okay, it's all right. Just listen.
- Have you ever kissed a boy? - No. But I have thought about it.
Sir!
- What is it? - I've got bad news.
Well, spit it out, Dirk.
Apparently, your brother, Glen Ross, is on his way here.
He wants to do a quick audit.
Jesus! No.
I know.
Okay. Okay. That's fine.
We're fine. Right?
The only problem is that we just lost Janet on check stand three.
- Her shift is about to begin. - Where is she? Go find her.
Lost as in dead, sir. She passed away last night.
So, she's not coming in then?
I don't think so, sir.
Oh, God and Jesus. Rest her soul.
Call an emergency staff meeting. Now.
- Don't lollygag! - Yes, sir.
I've called you in here for two things.
First of all, the girl on check stand 13 has passed away.
- Oh, my God, Mary's dead! - I don't believe it.
- Oh, Lord, why? - Sir, it's Janet from three.
Sorry, I meant Janet on three.
- Oh, thank God! - Thank God.
But my big brother, Glen Ross, is coming in today
- to see how we're all doing. - Corporate.
And, yes, he can be very intimidating.
But don't let him get to you. Do not let him get to you.
It's just his way.
So, we cannot let the lines get above 25 shoppers. Okay, people?
We really need everybody to just step it up.
That's impossible. We're short one checker and it's a Saturday.
Nobody panic. We are out of options, people.
I'll do it.
Oh, God.
I'll work check stand number three.
- Is that legal? - Yeah. Actually he can, yeah.
Great, Zack. We'll toss you into training immediately.
- You can't be serious. - Yeah.
He will never be ready by next shift.
I mean, you can't just walk in off the street and do what we do.
It takes years and years of training. I mean, let's just let him
perform a tracheotomy while we're at it. I mean, this is ridiculous.
I am up against a wall!
Hey, how you doing?
Are you okay, sir? I've never seen you like this before.
Well, you don't know what it's like, okay, to come home from school every day
and have your big brother physically torture you, day in, day out.
It was awful.
- Well, I'm sure he's changed, sir. - No, he's worse.
He can be so emasculating. And I don't appreciate you siding with him.
- I'm not siding with him. - You just did.
- I didn't, sir. - Well, good.
Bigger smile. Make a note, old guy should be older.
Straighten that tie.
Get back to work.
- Hello, sir, how are you? Nice to see you. - Hi. How are you?
Check his receipt on the way out.
You, grab a rag now. Now!
- Little brother. - Hey, there.
Bend over. Like you haven't heard that before.
- I really don't think that it's appropriate... - Come on, get down here.
- Please don't... - Come on, get down here.
- Please. - Come on. Come on.
Who's your boss? Who's your boss? I am, aren't I?
You are. You are.
- Good to see you! - It's great to see you.
It really is.
So what brings you in here, so early?
I thought you were only coming in for the banquet.
I want to make sure you're running this place up to my standards.
I don't wanna have to get rid of my own kin.
- Lines look a little long. - No, no, no. Never more than 25.
Nice to meet...
Damn it! What the frick is going on?
- I am going over your head. - Vince.
- I got two. - Hey, Zack.
Here's your new cashiers' lounge card.
You just slide it in the machine and you'll get full access.
Great.
Thanks. Thanks, Dirk.
Slide 'em in.
They gave me one of those stupid cards with the slide thing.
- Like I'd ever use that. - Congratulations on the star, man.